Welcome to my LTE!

Everything this is about will be explained, so like keep reading (if you want). Also LTE stands for "Longest Text Ever" that might be useful to know. I use caps for LTE, because I can.

So… hi. This is my first attempt to a LTE. Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes!

29 May 2020:
I’m writing this while I’m having a Dutch lesson, because our teacher is just answering questions about how school is going to go with COVID-19 and all. I got to tell you though, some of my classmates are so dumb and insensitive. Like they’re asking “How are we going to go to the next year with bad grades? Can’t they just give everyone a pass?”.
Do you have any idea how hard I’ve been working to keep my grades up? Like, was that all wasted? Sorry I’m just mad. But I’ve been working pretty hard and they’re just like “Give me a pass please. Lol”.
Also something I should maybe mention, is that I’m Dutch. So things are different here like the school system. Nobody asked, but here's an explanation (I’m only going to explain high school, because middle school is a pain. Maybe I’ll do it some other time though)
Anyway, in high school you have three levels? I guess. So you have MAVO, HAVO and VWO.
MAVO is for the ‘dumb’ kids (that sounds REALLY insensitive. I’m sorry about that, but this is the best way I can explain it). They're the kinda people that are more creative and social. They have to go to school for 4 years.
HAVO is for the not smart, but smart kids. Basically, they’re average. They go to school for 5 years. In my first year of high school I was in a HAVO/VWO class. This means that depending on my grades that year, I was going to go to HAVO or VWO (spoiler alert! I went to VWO).
Last but not least, VWO. This is for the elites, the smartest of kids, the geniuses. I'm kidding. VWO kids have to go to school for 6 YEARS. I’m one of those kids. I’m not even that smart, I just take school way to serious and study a lot. Honestly I just want to get away from school as soon as possible, but of course I have to be there for 6 years! Yay!
Anyway, enough about school! I feel like I’m going to use ‘anyway’ way too much. Same with ‘like’ and ‘basically’. I use those words on a regular basis even though I’m Dutch!
I totally forgot! The first thing I wanted to talk about was why I’m doing this! Wow. I’m dumb.
So why I’m doing this, actually not that special. My friend- no my BEST friend send me a text of a LTE and I read it.
Hey I’m back I was searching for the name of the LTE I read. The LTE was from WhileTrue with 61,736 characters at the moment. It’s pretty cool, I recommend reading it. You can just search ‘LTE neocities’.
I’m getting of topic! So my best friend send me that LTE, I read it, did some searching, found their official website and was like “I should make my own one”. Now here I am. I’m really tempted to say what they talked about in their LTE, but just go and read it yourself! That’s all for now, I need to do homework ;-; Till next tim

31 May 2020:
Hello. I’m back! I didn’t know what to write about until a few seconds ago. Which is music. I love music, but most of the music I love and listen to is unpopular. For example has anyone reading this ever heard of ‘Set It Off’? They make some amazing music, but nobody I know knows them.
This situation is pretty ironic though, because I’m talking about how much I love set It Off, while listening to some other song… hmm.
I changed the music and am now listening to ‘Ancient History’ by Set It Off. My favorite song from them is ‘Third Wheel’. It’s one of their older songs, I mean I do like their new music more, but their ‘old’ album ‘Horrible Kids’ is pretty good.
The song changed. ‘Distance Disturbs Me’ is now playing. I’m going to write down what song is playing every time now.
Anyway, that’s not the only music I listen to. I also listen to-
Wait the song changed. This is one of their older songs so I don’t know the name, I’m going to take a quick look. It’s ‘143’.
Sorry about that. I also listen to Alec Benjamin (Sometimes. My sister loves his music), Imagine Dragons (Only a few songs), James Young (Very rare), Owl City (Sometimes. I used to be crazy about them, but I got a different taste now I guess), YUNGBLUD (Very rare), MandoPony (I like his FNAF songs), RobertIDK (He’s a YouTuber, but also makes music. He’s pretty good!) and a lot of random songs.
Ah the song changed! It’s one of their older songs again… I’m taking a quick look again. ‘Shhh… It’s a Secret’ is playing.
Now let’s talk about music I don’t like! K-pop. I don’t like K-pop. I’m probably going to get hate for that, but my friends ruined K-pop for me. Let me tell you what happened.
When I was in middle school we had breaks. We had one break of 45 minutes. Me and my two friends would always walk around and just talk. At first it was just about stuff, but they both got into K-pop, specifically BTS. They started talking about BTS all the time and I felt pretty left out, so I tried to fit in. That was a mistake.
And the song changed! Ahh one of my favorites! It’s ‘Dad’s Song’. This one is really wholesome.
Anyway, About 2 months later? Me and those two friends were hanging out at one of their houses. They were talking about K-pop like usually and I thought “I’ve been fan for a few months, so I can join in, right?”. So I tried to join in, which obviously I couldn’t do, because they said “you can’t be an Army, because you don’t listen to BLACKPINK, Twice, red Velvet ec (these are other K-pop bands)”.
After that I was so angry. Not that I said or did anything, but I was so angry that I just stopped listening to K-pop.
Just them saying “Yeah you can’t be part of this community, because you don’t go that extra mile for them” pissed me off.
In my first year of high school I met some one who likes K-pop (my now best friend) and she told me that an ARMY is not a fan of K-pop in general, but a fan of BTS specifically (I thought an ARMY was a fan of K-pop in general after that experience). That only made me more angry, again not that I did or said anything, but I was angry. Not only did they have the audacity to tell me that I’m not part of their community, they also used the term ARMY wrong. I’m sorry, but how can you use the name of your fandom wrong?! Like, what?
I might be petty and also partly in the wrong, but still this was kinda rude, right?
Sorry this part is so long. Just need to get this of my chest.
Other music I don’t like is that of Billy Eilish. Now before you hate on me, I don’t hate Billy in any way, I think what she does is amazing. I just don’t like her music. Specifically her singing. Again before you hate on me, I don’t think her singing is awful or anything, I just don’t like it. It’s an opinion. Like my sister doesn’t like the song “7 Years”.
Song change. It’s… Wait let me think… It’s… ‘I Think It’s Arrogance’! This is a song from ‘Horrible Kids’. I like it!
I don’t think there’s any other music I don’t like, except for some random songs, like ‘Let me Down slowly’ by Alec Benjamin. I had to sing it for school and listened to it WAY too much, so now I don’t like it.
The song! I’m not sure which one this is… I’m going to look. It’s ‘Wild Wild World – Acoustic’. I sounds really sweet, in a good way. I haven’t heard this song before, because recently I found a few songs that weren’t in my playlist, because I’m a big dumb dumb.
I don’t know what else to talk about, so I’m just going to leave it here. I also still want to finish some homework. So till next time!

3 June 2020:
Heyo! I’m so bored right now and I don’t know what to do about it, because I don’t want to do my homework, listen to music, read or play video games. I could ask my friend to come over, but I don’t like people. Don’t get me wrong! I love my best friend, other friends and family! People are just really annoying and I just want to be left alone most of the time (no offence). I also really hate social gatherings or just social situations in general. I’m definitely an introvert.
Anyway, you want to know my favorite English word? I think I said it once in the last part/chapter. ‘Audacity’. That’s my favorite English word. I don’t know why I just love the word and the short sentence “The audacity”. My favorite French word is ‘pourquoi’ it means ‘why’. I love this word because of the meaning and the way you have to say it. Not that I’m trying to make fun of French and the pronunciation. I also know German and Dutch, but I don’t really have a favorite word those two.
The person WhileTrue the one I read the LTE from talked a lot about language, but they mostly talked about made up languages (not that that’s a bad thing).
Back to the four languages I talked about. Don’t think I can speak, write and read them all perfectly. Honestly I suck at languages. I’m just lucky with my grades. It’s also hard for me to say what language I’m best at. I think in terms of speaking this is the ranking order
1. Dutch
2. English
3. German
4. French.
I am half Dutch, but Dutch is hard language. Believe me. I speak Dutch and half the time I don’t even know what I’m saying.
I learned English by watching Markiplier since I was eight. My pronunciation isn’t the best. My best friend is from South-Africa and they speak English there. We both like and find English easier, so we speak English to each other and she bullies me for my pronunciation most of the time.
I am half German, my mother is German and speaks German to me, so I can understand it, but speaking is a lot harder. My whole family bullies me for not being able to perfectly pronounce German words, but they still force me to speak German sometimes. What is that logic? It’s like they want me to fail, just to laugh at me. Bottom line is, I don’t speak German a lot.
I’m not good at French. That’s it. I suck at French.
My writing sucks in general, because I don’t know when to put an comma or dot, but I’ll still give the ranking:
1. English
2. Dutch
3. German
4. French
Yes, I put English first even though there are probably a lot of grammar mistakes, but that’s because I’m trying to write as quickly as possible and I only use the knowledge I got from Markiplier. If I were to try really hard, there would probably be less mistakes, but then writing would take a long time. So yeah, sorry about that.
Again Dutch is hard and even though the grammar is probably better, the spelling is worse. That’s all I got to say.
German spelling is hard but not harder than French.
I suck at French.
Last but not least, reading:
1. English
2. Dutch.
3. German.
4. French
I like reading in English more and in terms of grades my English is also better.
I don’t like reading in Dutch, doesn’t mean I don’t do it or don’t like Dutch stories. In fact, there are a lot of good Dutch stories and writers. I just don’t like Dutch.
German is barely under Dutch. I’m not bad at reading in German, but Dutch is slightly better.
Ironically, my French reading test go the best grade out of the four, but that was guessing, a lot of ‘not knowing what language I’m even reading’ and pure luck. I suck at French.
I’ve been going on about language way to much, so let’s talk about something else… Games!
Lately I’ve been playing Splatoon 2 again and boy I’m so good at that game, just kidding. I’m not bad though. My user name is Isey with a star and music note. If you got Splatoon 2 maybe we can play together. Back to the game though. Till now I’ve played the game for 990 hours, I really want to reach 1000. For people who don’t know what Splatoon is, basically, you’re a squid and a human combined, you’re called an Inkling. You can also be an octopus and human combined that’s called an Octoling, but that’s not the point. So you’re an Inkling and you play turf war, where you have a weapon and ‘shoot’ other inklings with your ink, but the main objective in turf war is to ink the most ground, because the team who has inked the most ground at the end wins. There are two teams of 4 players.
In my opinion there are 3 different play styles defend, attack and support.
A defender is someone who plays with a sniper or splatling (machine gun). They want to eliminate people in their base and give their team the possibility to push the other team back into their base.
A attacker is some one with a blaster, gal or other strong weapon. Unlike a defender they don’t protect their base, but just want to kill the opposite team and push them back. They die the most, but also kill the most.
A supporter is NEEDED in a team if none of your teammates ink, you’ve lost the battle from the start. A supporter is most likely to use a slosher (a bucket), umbrella (literally an umbrella), inkbrush (normal inkbrush, but big) or normal shooting weapon (the fast and weak ones). They ink EVERYTHING, they are needed and the real MVP (most valuable player).
There is 1 weapon kind I haven’t said yet, the roller (normal roller but big). A roller can be all three, because a dynamo (big, slow roller) can be used as a defender and a normal or carbon (light, fast roller the opposite of the dynamo roller) can both be used for attacking and supporting.
Some of my favorite weapons are dynamo roller (I’m pretty good with it), elite sniper (extra far sniper), normal sniper, gal and aerospray. I can play with every weapon, does not indicate that I’m good with every weapon, but I can play them all and be an ‘alright’ player.
This has gotten really long and I don’t want to bore you guys further, so till next time!

4 June 2020:
Hello. Can’t believe I’m back already even though I’ve written just yesterday.
The thing is I’ve been writing for a while, but never really gave an introduction… maybe I should do that. With no further ado
Hi. My name is Iseycupcake (not my real name). I was born in 2006. I’m a 14 year old high school student in my second year. I live in the Netherlands and am half Dutch and German. I have two sisters. One of them is 19 an the other is 16. My birthday is on 14 May and my zodiac sign is a Taurus. I’m physically a girl. I like gaming, music, anime and manga. I’ll talk about what games, anime’s and manga’s another day.
I’m awkward and don’t like being surrounded by a lot of people. From the outside I’m shy and probably look cold, but I promise you if you get to now me I can be a fun person! (my best friend is probably going to disagree with me).
Also I’m in a band. Basically in my school you have ‘clubs’ (only 4 I think? Dancing, acting, music and sports). I’m in the music ‘club’. In my band I sing and honestly I suck. I’m not super bad at singing, but there’s way more to singing then just having a beautiful voice. You also have timing and technique. I suck at timing and never had singing lessons, so I don’t know any technique! I thought about quitting, but I really want to try and improve. I feel really selfish about that, because in my band there are 5 other people and I feel like I’m holding them back, I feel like it’s my fault if we mess up…
Anyway, let me tell you more about my band members! Their pretty cool!
First off, we have the only other girl in the band… our bass player! She’s a very social girl, already dated or kissed like 2 guys? Maybe 3? Fun little story actually our drummer had a crush on her, but I’ll get to that later. She’s kind, has funny stories (most of the time) and is pretty quirky.
We also have another singer! He’s good at singing, but I don’t really like him. He’s a cool guy, but I just don’t really like him. I don’t know much about him as well… maybe I should get to know him and actually see if I don’t like him… Nah I’m awkward.
One of our guitar players. So there’s this guy in my band, who I can actually have a conversation with and not be awkward. He’s weird, but funny.
Our other guitar player is a great guy. He’s honestly amazing. I feel intimidated by him, so I don’t talk to him, but he’s amazing. He’s a nice, fun, social guy. He’s also really short, but that makes him kinda cute and hot at the same time. Yeah I find him pretty good looking, nothing wrong with that. I don’t want to date him though… we’re just to different and I’m not interested in dating at the moment.
Our drummer and the great guy guitar player are best friends. Their friendship is something special and I hope they keep it. Anyway, our drummer is a quirky, fun guy. He’s also pretty handsome, not interested in dating, but still.
Now to the story of our drummer having a crush. In our first year of band our drummer had a crush on our bass player and boy I could go on about this, but don’t really want to tell about his life, so I’ll just say… he got rejected. From what I’ve seen he handled it pretty cool.
I’m a singer in the band, but I would much rather be the song-writer of the band, because last year we had make our own song and I wrote the lyrics. I’m really proud of the lyrics, but I lost them… they were on my old phone and that phone broke… it actually makes me really sad, because I only remember the first verse and it was a pretty good song. The song was about a game called Danganronpa. Maybe I’ll tell you guys the lyrics another day.
So this is me! If you got any more questions don’t hesitate to ask me! Till next time!

6 June 2020:
Hello. I am back! I’m going to be straight forward, how can anybody be open? Like how can you just tell people what’s going on? I can’t even tell someone ‘no’.
My best friend is pretty open about stuff with me (emotions, family, fears etc.) and I’m just wondering how. Not that I said that to her, but how can she just tell me? I never REALLY tell what’s going on with me, not even my best friend. I don’t why. Well that’s kinda a lie. I do know why, but I don’t know why I think that way, y’know? You see this is my logic “You don’t have to tell anyone what’s going on, because they will never truly know what your going through. They’re not you after all” Why did I ever think that and why am I still thinking that?
I mean I guess it’s also because I don’t want people to give me extra attention. I like being alone, but I don’t want to be alone.
I’m so confusing. Just what is that logic “I like being alone, but I don’t want to be alone”? I doesn’t make sense. Dang I’m weird.
Actually, I just reread what I wrote and it’s not that confusing. I guess what I mean with ‘I like being alone’ is ‘I like going through something alone’. Hmm… no that’s not right what I mean is ‘I don’t want people to feel the same pain as me. I don’t want to hurt hem as well’. Yeah! That’s it! And then the ‘but I don’t want to be alone’ part means ‘but I don’t want to go through something alone’!
Wow! Understanding myself is harder than I thought.
When I’m with my best friend just being with her is enough. I guess it’s like that for me.
I wish it was like that for her too… but it’s not. I’m not good enough for somebody to be happy by just being with me…
Well… that took a depressing turn. Sorry about that.
Anyway, I was in town today, because I had to return some clothes and I bought new shoes! I actually wanted combat boots, because I think their really cool, but the ones that are made for girls are ‘cute’ and I want the more boyish ‘cool’ ones. So instead I bought Vans! The total opposite. I went from boots to ankle shoes, like how? But Vans are pretty cool, so I’m happy.
Going to town is actually really exhausting. So I’m really tired right now and hungry I forgot to eat lunch and I’m eating dinner soon, so yeah.
I actually asked my best friend to go skating today and she said she’d text me, but she hasn’t yet. It’s not that I’m angry at her, not at all. I’m actually happy, because I’m exhausted and she has WAY to much energy, like literally there is no limit to what she can do. Except for homework. She almost never does her homework. I don’t blame her though, school sucks.
I often think about the beginnings of stories, just know I thought “what if you there’s a story that goes like this ‘Hi. My name is _____ and I’m the happiest person alive! I have everything a house, job, money, dog/cat/any other pet, fame and a beautiful/handsome wife/husband!
What? You actual believed that? Hah what a joke. I’m not the happiest person, no I’m the opposite, I’m the saddest person alive. Hi my name is _____ and I suffer from depression’ that’d be a good story, but I can’t write or know what it’s like to have depression, so I can’t write that” the story would be about the daily life of a person with depression. Actually it should follow two lives. One of a person that has everything (money, fame etc.) and another who’s ordinary. That’s be a pretty good story, but again I can’t write or know anything about having depression, so yeah.
I also once thought about this story. So you have his teenage guy who’s popular, handsome and rich. He’s the mystery hero of his city. He’s also a complete jerk. Then one day he dies. Then this side character who appeared in the background a few times or something, becomes the new hero, because when the jerk dies, the side character is there (conveniently).Then the side character learns how to be the new hero of his city. The moral of this story is ‘pay attention to side characters!’, because the jerk would die at like the end of the first season or in the second season. I would want to kill the jerk when you really know him, this way you will either suffer more or be even happier when he dies (he’s a jerk after all).
Anyway, we just hit 20,000 characters! Whoop! Whoop! Without the space bar though and I know it doesn’t seem like much, but the LTE from WhileTrue has 60,000 characters. This means I’m one third of the way to having more characters then them.
I have nothing left to write about, so… goodbye I guess? Oh wait one more thing I wanted to ask is, do you guys want me to update every time I write something or do weekly updates? The cons of updating every time I write is that I might not update for weeks, if I don’t have anything to write about. Let me know what you think!
Till next time!

7 June 2020 (just a litle information at first I had titles, bu they're gone now, so nevermind the first part):
Hi. As you can read from the title this part will be about my best friend. It won’t be about who she is (age, real name etc.), but about other stuff. You’ll just have to read.
Yesterday I went to my best friend’s house at 10pm. Yeah. Totally normal. So I slept over and I noticed how much I held back with her. What I mean is I don’t say or ask everything I want ask or say. There is so much I want to ask her like “do I make you happy?”, “Am I a good friend?” or… actually that last one I don’t want to put on here. I’m scared of pushing her away by saying unnecessary stuff.
To be honest I hate my best friend. She does so much to me that I can’t explain and it’s annoying, how much I want her to be happy. I would do anything for her. I wish I didn’t have emotions, I wish I didn’t have any friends to feel for, I wish I didn’t exist. Not existing huh. It would be so much easier having no stress, fears, angers or emotions.
There have actually been a lot of times I thought about deleting all my social medias, cutting connections with every single friend I have and becoming cold, so that I can stop existing. Maybe I’d even kill myself after becoming cold, because nobody would care anymore, but I won’t. I treasure this life, even though I hate it. I guess I have a love-hate relationship with life, but don’t we all?
I wish I was naturally smart. That way I wouldn’t need to worry about studying, but I do. I wish I was gifted with talent for sports, music, art, writing or something, but I’m not. If I want to get any carrier I need to work so hard. It’s unfair, because I don’t think I’m going to make it. Remember that time I talked about the Dutch school system and all in the first part? Remember that I said I was doing VWO? And that you have to go to school for 6 years in VWO? I’m in my second year right now and I don’t think I’m going to make it. I’m betting I’ll break somewhere In the third year. If not I’ll break in the fourth year or the fifth or the sixths. And if by some miracle I will make it, I’ll break in university (I don’t think we have college). Bottom line is, I won’t make, because just being able to study is not enough.
Dangit… I’m making this way to depressing, but I can’t help it. I always bring myself down. Maybe I have an inferiority complex, but I doubt it. Sometimes I hate myself so much that I don’t know what else to think or talk about.
When I was at my best friend’s house I had a nice dream. I wanted to cry when I woke up, because what happened it just made me so happy. Here’s what happened. I was in classroom with my band members and we were having a music lesson. Class ended earlier than usual so we played a game. The game was, basically, one person said something you had to draw and then you draw it on the board. That’s not important though! When I was told to draw something, specifically Bob Ross. I don’t even know why, but I had to draw him. Ahh! I’m getting of track again! So when I finished the drawing class ended and me and my band members still talked for a bit. Now I don’t remember the whole conversation, but the drummer in my band said something along the lines of “You’re my favorite singer!” or “I like your singing the best” and then I woke up. It made me feel so happy, warm and fuzzy that I wanted to cry. I can’t exactly explain the feeling, but it felt amazing! I don’t ever want to forget that dream! That’s actually something I can talk about next time, I mean my dreams. Yeah that could be fun.
I’m feeling better now, so till next time!

8 June 2020:
What’s up? I’m writing again! Like dang I’m on a streak, but anyway as you can read from he title today I will be talking about anime! If you hate anime or something then you don’t have to read this and don’t worry I won’t spoil anything. I will just be talking about what I anime’s I’ve seen and what their about. So let’s go! If you don’t want to read about anime just go to the letters in bold, that’s when I start talking about a dream I once had.
The very first anime I’ve ever seen is “Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood”. My sister forced me to watch it, but I really like it! It’s about Edward and his brother, Alphonse. In this anime magic and alchemy exists.
So what happened when Edward and Alphonse were children (I don’t know their exact age, maybe 5?) they lost their mom. So what these two idiots did, was try and get her back by using alchemy. They did some weird ritual and after it was done their mom didn’t come back, Edward lost his left leg and Alphonse lost his life, but Edward got the soul of Alphonse back and put in a suit, I guess? Edward lost his right arm by doing this. The anime is about Edward and Alphonse searching for a way to get Alphonse back in a real body again. It’s really good, wholesome and sad. The series was on Netflix the last time I checked. So if it’s still there you can watch it! It’s definitely worth watching.
I think the second anime I watched was “Glitter Force”. Now this is your typical magical high school girl anime. It’s a kids show, but I found I pretty amusing. I liked “Glitter Force Doki Doki” more.
This anime is about Emily who has to be a magical girl (I don’t remember why), but she’s not strong enough alone, so she gets more members. When she gets five members the club is complete and they fight the baddies of as magical girls. It’s a anime were the moral is “friendship is magic!”, but it’s pretty funny. Not worth watching if you want REALLY good ones, but if you have time one day you can watch it on Netflix.
Okay but let’s go to the REALLY good ones again.
“Blue Exorcist” is a really good manga. I’m saying manga, because the anime made it’s own ending, which wasn’t good. The manga is still on going and it’s really good. You can watch the anime on Netflix and I do recommend it, because it’s still fun and even though the ending sucks the anime is still good.
It’s hard to explain what the anime is exactly about, but in this world demons and exorcists exist. The story follows this boy named Rin. Rin is the son of Satan, but he doesn’t know that until he’s like 14? (I’m not sure okay) Then stuff happens (you’ll have to read or watch it) and after e stuff happens he goes on a quest to kill his own father. He goes to this school to become an exorcist and it’s about him becoming an exorcist.
In the story way more happens then him just becoming an exorcist, but this is what it’s about. It’s really good though! I recommend reading the manga more, but the anime is also good.
I’ll start talking about the dream now.
I once had this dream and that dream was beautiful. I wish I could have that dream every single night. In the dream I had a ‘family’ of six people. We weren’t related by blood, but we were family. Everyone in this family had a color of the rainbow, that color is connected to a superpower (for example red has something to do with fire, but the power is always different in every ‘family’). In this world you could hunt some kinda monsters as a job. I had purple and my power was smoke. Yeah sounds really cool right? Well basically I could make platforms of smoke for my ‘family’ to stand on, this way they could attack the monsters.
In my dream one of ‘family members’ died and usually the whole family gets disconnected then, but that was not the case, because I got the power of the deceased ‘family member’. The person who died had fire power and of course that is one of the most strongest powers, what I mean is you can badly hurt some one with that power. I didn’t know how to control it.
In my dream I saw some kids in the woods and was like “let’s check that out! Maybe I can make friends!”. So I went to the people there and accidentally hurt one of them, because I couldn’t control my power. Thankfully there was a healer there. They ran and of course I followed them to apologize. Their healer was leaving some kinda green clouds, I guess? (some see through substances) that’s how I followed them. Eventually the trail went up a hill to a house. That was the house of the healer. Basically they split up and I was only following the healer. So I went up the hill (the healer went in his house) and looked down. It was beautiful there was a trail of green substances and it was beautiful. I can’t describe it, it was so beautiful.
The dream goes on, but this was the best part about the dream.
Anyway the ad of the healer comes out and makes his son (the healer) talk to me. We talk for a bit and it was actually a nice talk. Then it’s dinner time and asks if I want to eat with him, I say yes.
I found out that his mom hates me, but she was at work at the time so yeah. He also had a younger sister.
When I sat at the table and ate for a bit I woke up.
I loved that dream it was amazing.
I also gave the characters names, the girl is named Kallie and the boy Zack.
If the dream is confusing anywhere, you can ask questions!
I have a German lesson in twenty minutes and am pretty done with writing, so… till next time!

9 June 2020:
Heyo! I am back! I think I already did that intro, but whatever. Anyway, yesterday we had a music lessons again! Because COVID-19 (do I have to write that in caps? Oh well) we obviously couldn’t have music lessons, but yesterday they started again! I was to tired to write about it yesterday. The lessons we’re having are different then usual, because we only have three lessons, but they’re still a lot of fun! I’m way to exited. What we’re doing in these lessons is making a song about COVID-19. Which I didn’t like at first, but I made some good lyrics. Sorry this must be so confusing.
This is what happened. Me and 12 other people (there are two bands, but forgot to tell about the other band) are getting music lessons again. Of course we’re in groups of four and they’re being very cautious. I’m in a group with the bass player girl in my band (maybe I should give them names), the guitar player I’m intimidated by and his drummer best friend.
This is great! These three people are going to hate me, because I suck at singing and making music.
Anyway, we have to make a song about COVID-19 in three lessons, which believe it’s not that hard. We already have a verse and chorus with chords. So the instrumental music is done (they’re probably going to do some amazing solos as well). The lyrics are also almost done as well! We only need one more verse and a bridge. Our teacher is different from the usual one we have, because usually we have lessons from B*ll* H*y (not sure if I can say her name), but now we have lessons from a dude… I don’t know his name… woops… it’s on the tip of my tongue I swear. As I was saying we now have lessons from this dude (I’m going to call him dude), who’s really chill and cool by the way.
Back to the lyrics though, because that’s literally the only thing I’m good at. When we had to make the lyrics it was mostly me making them and that’s what I feel so bad about. Our guitarist he was really trying and then I came with “No. My idea is better”. Not literally. I didn’t say that, but I feel like I was trying to take the spotlight and I feel bad about that. That’s why I’m going to try my hardest to get his idea into the lyrics. I have an idea and maybe you guys can help? This is what we have and what I thought of:
Verse 1 (finished):
Being alone
Might sound lie fun
But after a while
You’ll get bored
Despite my time at home
My school grades
Don’t improve (This part we actual kinda made together. I made the lyrics, but it was their idea to do something with school becoming harder because of COVID-19)
So… (there’s a build up here)
Let’s make a promise
We’re gonna get through this
It’ll be worth it (these are the first lyrics I came up with. I’m really proud of these! They’re one of the best lyrics I made since last quarantine started)
(I also thought about adding this lyric
You don’t have to worry about a thing, but I’m not sure…)
Verse 2:
(I though about doing something like this)
Now we’re back here
Making music
Having fun
(Maybe they could be the last three sentences of the second verse?
I have nothing for the bridge, yet)
Let me know what you guys think!
Actually, the song will probably already be finished when this comes out… I’m so smart. Well never mind all that rambling. My bad. Back to the music lesson. I had a lot of fun! I didn’t talk much, but it was fun making music with such talented people again. I really wish this could last forever. I really wish I wasn’t so shy.
I’m done though. With writing in the LTE for today. Maybe I’ll write later, but I’m done for now. Bye and till next time!

11 June 2020:
Hello. It’s been a while since I last wrote in here. I mean that’s what it feels like for me. It’s only been 2 days. I don’t know what to write about… hmm let’s just talk about what happened today, but before I do that I’m going to grab a snack, shower and brush my teeth. So till then!
So I haven’t brushed my teeth yet, but whatever I’ll do it later. This morning I woke at 7:30am like usual and had online classes like usual. I had geography from 9:00 to 9:45. Then Dutch from 9:45 to 10:30. After Dutch I wouldn’t have Physics until 11:30, so I just sat in the living room and relaxed. Until, I noticed I had a text from two people, my best friend and a friend of my best friend (I guess we’re friends too?). They both texted me at almost the same time with ‘Daily fact number 1/2 about *name*’ (one of them had fact number one and the other two) and then there was a fact. So… basically, there’s this other friend of my best friend (my friend too, I guess?) and they ship us. I don’t mind or care about the shipping. So I got a text from both of them with a fact of the guy… I called my best friend. This was the conversation kinda:
“…Uh hi…*giggle*” best friend.
“What the hell are you and *name* on about?” me.
“…What do you mean?” best friend
“…Daily fact number 1 about *name*” me.
“*laughter*” best friend.
I don’t remember what happened after that, but we stayed on a call for about 40 minutes. It was fun. Tomorrow I’m going to her place. Sorry I don’t know why I wrote that it just popped into my mind.
Anyway, I’m not feeling to well. I have a stomachache and a headache, but I think it’ll be gone tomorrow. I sure hope so, but at least I don’t have lessons tomorrow.
Also it's almost 11:00pm and I'm tired, so I'm going to bed... if you're reading this at night, please go to bed.
This is all I got though… Till next time!

16 June 2020:
Woah! I haven’t written in here for days! Man I should get back to this. So not much has happened in these past days. Except maybe one minor thing, which is that my best friend might be moving to Canada. Just writing that makes me sick to my stomach. I spent 75% of my time with her, if she moves to Canada our time zones will be different and I can’t be with her physically. When I heard it from her I was happy of course! Here in the Netherlands she isn’t having the best life and maybe she will in Canada, but I still wish she didn’t have to go. I don’t think I can live without her. That sounds very drastic I know, but she’s my best friend, I don’t want to lose her. Then again if she doesn’t leave she’ll probably mess up her life here in the Netherlands. So I hope that she’ll go to Canada and I also hope we don’t lose contact.
Now that depressing stuff is over! Let’s move to the reason on why I’m writing again.
Funny story actually, I’m studying French. Well not studying, because I just can’t. I don’t know why but I just don’t want to study. It’s only 25 words. Here I’ll list them all, maybe that’ll help me to remember them.
1. the meeting la rencontre
2. boring (boy) ennuyeux, (girl) ennuyeuse
3. childish enfantin
4. being wrong avior tort
5. because of grâce à
6. being present être present
7. realistic réaliste
8. for the most part la plupart
9. kind aimable
10. helpful serviable
11. the mood l’ambiance
12. perfect parfait
13. the trash les déchets
14. filthy sale
15. cleaning nettoyer
16. to lower baisser
17. disappointed déçu
18. the visit la visite
19. waiting in line faire la queue
20. apparently apparement
21. the whole day la journée entière
22. never again ne… plus jamais
23. the animation l’animation
24. the fight le combat
25. absolute absolument
Dang I guessed the amount of words right. Anyway, that took me a really long time to write down, because I was talking to my best friend and the friend I’m getting shipped with. I still am talking to them. We’re talking about cats. I made it sad at one point because a few years ago I had a fat, fluffy, orange cat but she died, because of cancer. Her name was Cat. Very creative, I didn’t think of the name. Anyhow, I just said she died and that made it sad. My bad.
Last year we got a new cat her name was Lola, but we had to put her down a few months ago, a little before Corona happened, on 13 March to be exact. I had her for a year and a half.
Sorry am I making this sad? I’ll stop talking about my dead cats.
I’ll stop writing for now as well.
So maybe till later? Till next time!
I’m back! I’m actually supposed to be making an English assignment, but for that assignment I need my book. I’m laying under my bed (I have a high bed and under my bed is a mattress I am currently laying on) and my book is on my desk. If I want to get the book I would have to get up and walk maybe 5 steps. So I’m not doing that.
My friend was here a few minutes ago, because we had cheesecake and I offered her a piece, of course she came.
So in the morning, what you just read, I talked about my best friend going to Canada and I’d like to talk about tat again. So my best friend is probably going to Canada and I’m glad she’s maybe going to Canada, because I’ve thought it over and I think she’ll do better there. I think, I hope and I beg that she’s going to do better there. She deserves a good life and by going to Canada she might achieve that. Now I made a vow to myself, which I obviously didn’t tell her, but everyday I’m going to send her a meme or a zodiac sign post. It might cheer her up and I want to keep being her friend.
When she was at my house we were talking to the guy I’m getting shipped with and her other friend (also my friends?). She blocked the guy I’m getting shipped with, because he was being “annoying” and she threatened, not to him, but me that she’ll never talk to him again after being in Canada. That made my heart stop. What if she’ll do it to me? She joked about that, but she could actually do that. If she does that then I’ll be devastated, but if she could really cut me out of her life like that, then she was never my friend in the first place. Harsh words, but if someone can cut people out of there life for no reason and with no regret or guilt, then I don’t think they should have friends. Now I’m not saying that she’s going to actually do it, but if she does then I’ll be sad, but I won’t stay in the past. I’ll forget about her, like she forgot about me.
Don’t get me wrong! I love my best friend I really do! It’s just her saying “what if I block you after going to Canada and never talk to you again?” it makes me scared and anxious. Even if it was a joke. She could still actually do that and that’s scary. It’s scares ME a least.
On another note, my best friends mom is giving karate lessons and I’m going to join! I had my first online lesson today, because it was raining, but next Tuesday I’ll probably get physical lessons. If it doesn’t rain. So if my best friend cuts me out of her life, I could talk to her mom. That would be my last resort. I do hope she doesn’t cut me out. I don’t know if she will, she’s full of surprises after all.
This was it for this day. So till next time!
On second thought I still want to write. So remember when I talked about myself and said I’m physically a girl? There’s something I have to tell you guys. I think I’m genderfluid… nope. I am genderfluid. It feels so weird to say or write that, but writing it down and saying it out loud just feels so right. I haven’t told my parents, I think only my best friend knows that I feel uncomfortable in my body, but I haven’t told her I’m genderfluid. I’m not open about it, but I know none of my friends are going to read this so yeah.
So, how did I find out I’m genderfluid? And how does it affect me? Well there are times, I feel incredible uncomfortable in my own body. I feel so conscious as a girl and I’m just disgusted by my curves (I’m not saying I’m super curvy, but I still have curves). I feel sick on those days. I had it this morning, but I’m okay now. I guess being with my best friend helps? I wish I had chest binders, but then I would have to tell my parents and I don’t want to do that… maybe I should start by telling my friends, but I don’t know if they’ll be accepting. My best friend is part of the LGTBQ+ community, because she’s bisexual. So it was obvious to me that she’ll be okay with it. I have other friends as well and I don’t know if they’ll be supportive, I think there are some that won’t care and one or two that will be supportive, but I’m not sure so I’m scared to tell them and get the opposite reaction of what I thought I would get. Yep… that’s just abou all. Really I just wish I was a boy sometimes that’s what being genderfluid means to me.
Now for real though. Till next time!

17 June 2020:
Hi! I have an online lessons in 10 minutes and I don’t want to go. I have French and I hate it and I suck and I don’t want to go. I could skip, but I’m too much of a goody-two-shoes. So I won’t skip. I have to attend my lesson so bye for now! I still have 4 minutes, but I need to get ready and stuff.

18 June 2020:
Well… this is awkward… uh… I kinda forgot to write yesterday that’s why you’re getting two updates. I have some good new! I talked to my best friend yesterday being “yo you joked about never talking to me or the others after you move to Canada and I’m kinda concerned you’re really going to do that…” (this isn’t what I exactly said) and she promised me she would still talk to me. That made me feel so relieved. You have no idea. God I was so happy to hear that.
On another note, I have a test week in 2 weeks. Basically, my school has four periods in each period there is one test week, where we get all our tests (about 9 for the second years? I’m not sure). It’s kinda like exam week, but because of Corona and the schools closing, we couldn’t have the third test week. It two weeks the last test week will take place. I’m terrified. I need to make one more test week and like what I fail? Hopefully I won’t, but you never know.
If I go to the next year doesn’t depend on this grade, but it can influence if I go to the third year. Right now the teachers get to decide of you pass. Just let me explain, basically, each teacher gives you a number from 1 to 4:
1 meaning you CAN’T go to the third.
2 meaning you might not go to the third.
3 meaning you might go to the third year.
4 meaning you CAN go to the third year.
The average grade you need to get is like a 2. If you get a 2 in total you pass.
All the factors the teachers take in grading you this way is:
Attendance. Did you attend every online lesson.
Homework. Did you do your homework.
Your grades before Corona. Were your grades before corona good.
Last grade. Is your grade in the last test week good.
As of now I have all of these factor, except for the last grade one. So I think I’ll make it, hopefully.
That’s all I got for now, I’m tired, need to study and am going to my best friend’s house.
So till next time!

22 June 2020:
So… I don’t know what to talk about… I could just search some random facts? No I won’t do that. Y’know while I’m writing this I’m talking to one of my friends, so writing this all is taking a lot longer. I’ve been studying a lot for the test week and I learned 5 paragraphs of history in two days. I’m pretty proud of that. I learned the first two paragraphs on Friday night and the last three on Saturday I spend hat whole day studying. On Sunday I did all the homework I need to do, I wanted to study, but just couldn’t. I was so tired.
Man, writing in this LTE is so hard. So… actually something I can talk about is the fanfic I’ve been writing! I started the fanfic a few weeks ago. So I’ve been writing this fanfiction about two characters of the anime ‘My Hero Academia’. It’s been going pretty well I have one and a half chapters, because I was focusing on studying. It’s mostly for laughs, but there’s still going to be some serious stuff. I’ll tell you guys the plot.
So this guy Kaminari just had a break up with his girlfriend, he’s absolutely heartbroken. Obviously his best friend (Kirishima) is going to try and cheer him up, but maybe here’s a small chance that they fall in love.
That’s the story. I know it sounds really cliché, but I don’t wan a to hard plot. I just want people to smile and have a fun time reading it. I want people hearts to go ‘doki doki’ and I still have a long way to go! My writing is not good, but I’d like to try. That’s what I’m going to write in summer vacation.
Also if you want to know why I’m writing this fanfiction, it’s not because I ship these characters, but I was reading a fanfiction once, it wasn’t the best fanfiction, but there was a little side plot about Kaminari and Kirishima coming together and I found it cute. So I decided to write a whole story about it! I’m having fun writing it and it isn’t awful, so like when it’s out, maybe you could give it a read? Do be warned it’s not super good writing, but I’m practicing! I don’t know if you guys saw it, but I made a new book that’s called ‘Writing Practice’ and that’s literally me trying to write scenes and get better. So If you’re good at writing or you know lot about writing, please check it out and give me advice! You’re not obligated to or anything, only if you have some spare time. I mean the first ones are pretty bad, because I wrote them at night and rushed them, but in summer vacation it’s going to get better! I promise. Just bear with me.
I’ve been writing for a while now and I still need to eat breakfast so… I’ll be leaving.
Till next time!

23 June 2020:
I’m taking a break from studying right now, so… I’ll write in this LTE for a bit.
I often wonder of I’m a good person. Do the things I do affect other people? In a bad way. Do I do good things? Am I a good friend? I’m pretty sure the last two are not me. Oh no I’m making this sad. Dang. Sorry I’ll try not to do that. So anyway, one of my friends send me his playlist on Spotify and I’ve been listening to it. It’s pretty good. I mean they’re all sad songs, but calm.
I love the rain. It’s so cool and just.. cool.
Oh one of my favorites songs is playing! ‘Lost Boy’ by Ruth B. I want to learn it on the piano that’s what I’m going to do in summer vacation as well. I should really be studying right now… but I don’t want to... no with that mindset I’ll never study. I’m going to study, but I’ll come back to writing later today! Hopefully… but for if I don’t. Till next time!

6 June 2020:
Hi. It’s almost been two weeks since I last wrote in here. My test week is almost over, tomorrow I have Dutch and Physics and the day after I have math’s my last test! On Wednesday I can finally relax! I mean I still need to return my school books and all, but after that. I got all my grades from the tests I already back and till now I’ve passed them all some grades higher than the others. No one asked, but these are my grades:
English: 8,6 I’m fine with my English grade.
French: 6,8 I’m not happy with my French grade, but I passed
German: 9,5 The German test was really easy, so I expected a pass, but dang that’s a pretty high grade.
History: 6,1 …I hate History. The history test was very poorly made by most kids in my class, so I still have one of the higher grades, but I’m not happy with the grade.
Geography: 9,1 I’m kinda really happy with my geography grade. I did not expect it to be that high and I thought I sucked at geography, for the first two test I had a 6,3 and 7,6. So I kinda have to flex, right? I’m kidding. Let’s get away from school though.
So there’s this game called Hollow Knight, it’s a really good game! You can play it on the computer/laptop and the Nintendo switch. The plot is hard to explain, so going to the Wikipedia is probably better, but I’ll try to explain. In the world of Hollow Knight, there’s an infection that’s bound to break free sooner or later. This infection has been held back by the Hollow Knight, but of course the infection is breaking free. So you are going on a journey to take the place of the Hollow Knight. There is so much more to this story, but the best way to find out is by playing it yourself or watching it on YouTube. If you want to watch it on YouTube I recommend watching it from MythyMoo, he’s really funny (just search ‘MythyMoo Hollow Knight’ and you’ll find him).
What kind of game is Hollow Knight? It’s a 2D Metroidvania action-adventure game. The game gives you a lot of freedom with exploring the Hollow Knight world, there are tons of bosses, enemies and side quest. It’s a really fun game that’ll take hours to complete. I’ve played the game for a total of 140 hours and still want to play more!
I have Hollow knight on the switch and I’m not a pro at it, but I’m still good. There’s this one boss called the pure vessel and it’s one of the hardest bosses in the game. So guess who beat him? I did. Not a huge accomplishment, but still big enough to make me happy. I haven’t beat the ultimate boss, but that’s because you need to fight every boss in the game to fight against that one and if you die, you start from the beginning. I am going to try and beat it, but I’ll be practicing every boss in the game until then.
I don’t feel like writing anymore and still need to do a practice test for Dutch, so I’ll be leaving. I might come back later, but I doubt it.
See you next time!

16 July 2020:
Hey… I haven’t written in here for a long time and a lot has happened, so let’s get to telling.
So first of all my test week ended I passed every subject and again no one asked but these are all my grades:
English 8,6
French 6,8
German 9,5
History 6,1
Geography 9,1
Dutch 6,5 I can’t believe I passes Dutch, because that test went so incredibly bad.
Physics 7,4 I also can’t believe I passes physics, because I find it so difficult.
Math 7,4 Eh. Could’ve gone better. But a pass is a pass.
Today I went and returned my books I just came back from that. Tomorrow I have to pick up my school report.
So I also played some Hollow Knight and I went and did a thing. There is this super hard challenge where you have to defeat every boss in the game and then fight the hardest boss in the entire game, I tried to do the challenge and I came all the way to the hardest boss. I obviously died after five seconds of fighting that super hard boss, but ever since that day I have been practicing with that boss. After I fought her once I could fight her over and over again without having to fight every other boss in the game, so I’ve been fighting her a lot and I defeated her three times already! Her name is the absolute radiance by the way.
Also something that happened, one day I was reading this fanfiction on Wattpad and it hadn’t updated in almost a year, but the plot seemed pretty cool, so I decided to read it anyway. It was pretty good, not perfect, but not bad. So at the end I wrote 4 endings that I thought could’ve happened. A day later I get a message from the author of that book. They gave me their discord, because they wanted to talk to me and I was like “Ok.”. So I added them, even though I was freaking out on the inside. So anyway I message them and they want me to help them rewrite the fanfiction, I guess? It’s not like I’m writing chapters for them or anything, but they want me to criticize them. I’ve been busy with that.
I’m done with writing.
So till next time!

25 July 2020:
Okay so hi! I kinda have two parts that I’m not going to post, so sorry about that. I’ll summarize them, I talked about a song, ranting and words. Look the parts got kinda messy, so I’m not going to post them.
Anyway, let’s talk about Bo Burnham! Bo Burnham is a comedian or was? He does film stuff now. He has a few show’s from which there are two on Netflix. They’re called “what.” And “Make Happy”, they’re good, so if you have time go watch them.
Man I could go on and on about him, but I need to write my fanfic, so I’m going to try and to that.
Till next time!
I know I said I was going to write in my LTE, but I got an amazing song idea and need to share it. I have one lyric
“If I had to tell you a million lies, ‘I love you’ wouldn’t be one of them”
It doesn’t really rhyme or anything, but that’s a song I need to write.

1 August 2020:
Heyo! My friend is forcing me to write, but I don’t know what to write about.
Last Wednesday I met up with a bunch of my friends. We went to town and talked a lot. I bought a Zelda beanie. It was fun well until the end. Life was being mean to me, like of all the times this is when this happens? It’s kinda dumb, but basically at the end of the day I was starting to feel uncomfortable. Okay that sounds like I was over reacting How can I explain? Well I can’t really, I was just feeling really uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter, when I got home everything was fine.
So I started reading this book called Artemis Fowl a little while ago. It’s about this super smart kid, like genius smart, who wants restore his families riches. It’s fun.
I stopped defeating The Absolute Radiance. It’s probably going to make me worse, but after I stopped it felt like a whole lot of weight lifted from my shoulder. I don’t have to try and defeat her. Feels good.
Sometimes I really want to go home, like right now. I want to go home, but I’m sitting in my living room. I just don’t feel like I belong.
Okay, let’s not make this sad again. Man, why am I so pessimistic? Like I can go on and on about sad stuff, but the happy stuff? Yeah the happy stuff doesn’t exist.
So, I’ve been listening to this dong called “Upside Down” by Set It Off. I really like the song! Ironically it’s about looking on the bright side and turning that frown upside down.
Life has been boring lately. It’s just right now I don’t have petty stuff to complain about. With school I can complain about other people, teachers, homework, tests etc. but right now I would complain about stuff that’s sad and I don’t want to be sad.
Man, am I making this sad? My bad.
I’ll stop writing for now.
Till next time!
Actually, I’m almost at 50,000 characters in total, so what should I do for that mile stone? Like I could talk about something specific, share a story, answer questions etc. I don’t know. I’ll think of something.
Till next time!

3 August 2020:
Hiiii! I’m being forced to write again. I honestly don’t know what to write about.
My arm hurts, so writing isn’t the most fun thing to do right now.
It was raining pretty badly a few minutes ago. I had to go outside in that rain for an appointment. It was for my braces.
Crying is so weird. Like are time I read a story that’s really sad and I want to cry about, but just can’t. I wonder how people cry on command. Back in middle school I cried so much. I wonder what changed. Am I making this sad again? Dang. I’ve thought about stopping the LTE or quitting, but I can’t bring myself to give up, so I’ll keep trying.
On the 8th of August I’ll be going to Germany and won’t be able to update, because there is not Wi-Fi to where I’ll be going. So yeah.
I often wonder- no. I often think I’m an attention seeker. It’s actually funny that I think that. I have no reason to think it, but I still do. I mean isn’t just saying/writing that proving that I’m an attention seeker?
I’ve been sitting here not knowing what to write for so longs that it’s time to stop. Tomorrow I’l write again though.
Till next time!

6 August 2020:
Hey… I kinda lied last time… my bad. Anyway, I’m here to write today!
So, tomorrow I will be going to Germany for 12 days. The place I’m staying doesn’t have Wi-Fi, so I won’t be able to update for 12 days.
Also two things happened today.
First, my mother came into my room, to put some clothes in my closet or something, and when she did she said “Hey hey hey”. That’s the catch phrase of a character called Bokuto, he’s from this anime called Haikyu!! She said his catch phrase and then said “My Hero Academia” and I was like “…no that’s a different anime”. I thought it was funny and it counts as characters so I’m leaving that in.
Secondly, today I went to my best friend’s house to hang out and she started ranting, I guess? Not that I minded her ranting. I’m not going to talk about what she ranted, but I almost cried.
It was just so… sad. When I look at her I can’t imagine her going through something like that, but the thing that sucks the most is that there’s nothing I can do. There’s nothing I can do to soften the pain. It sucks, it sucks so incredibly much.
I’m not a good friend most of the time and she needs someone who’s the opposite of me. Someone who likes going out, who’s social, who’s affectionate with words, who’s the first to reach out… and I’m trying, I’m trying so hard, but I’m starting to think it would be better for me to find her a friend who’s the opposite of me, because my best isn’t enough. I just wish I could make her happy.
There is one thing I’m going to do for her birthday that maybe, just maybe, will cheer her up sometimes. I’m going to give her like a cup with pieces of paper in it and all the pieces of paper will have a compliment, so every time she’s feeling sad she can grab a piece of paper. I think that would be a nice gift.
I also thought about making a song for her, but I don’t know what the song should be about.
Anyway, let’s stop for today. I won’t be updating for the next 12 days, but I’ll probably, maybe, write while being in Germany.
Till next time!

8 August 2020:
Hey. It’s currently 15:13 and we’re making a stop until we arrive at our destination. We’ll be there in another hour or two and boy, I hate traveling. It’s hot, I feel sick and I want to go home. At least I can listen to Set It Off.
Yesterday we were at the friend of my mother’s house, the friend wasn’t there but her son was and he likes anime and manga!
We made a stop there for a day to split the travel and it was fun. We talked about manga.
We’re leaving again though, so that’ll be all for today.
Till next time!

9 August 2020:
Hey guys. It’s the end of the day right now and I am tired! Even though it’s just 9pm.
Me, my friend who’s with me on vacation and my family went to swim in a lake today. It was fun!
So I thought about writing in my LTE every day, but I don’t know if I’ll have the energy.
Anyway, I’m going to stop writing for today.
Till next time!

13 August 2020:
What’s up? Man just like I said, I’m not going to write every day.
Yesterday we went to Berlin. It was pretty cool, I mean it was super warm, but it was fun. Next time I’d want to go on a colder day though.
So, my parents wanted to go and look at some monuments, so we did that and me and my best friend wanted to go to some anime shops.
We wanted to find some Haikyu!! stuff, but the shop didn’t have any.
We also went to the mall where I bought some clothes.
It was fun, but boy was I tired after, like I’m never doing that again on a hot day.
This morning we went to get some groceries and my best friend wanted to go to the mall there to find some stuff and boy the things I found there. I got the things I had been looking for and boy am I happy.
Anyway I got to cut this short.
Till next time!

19 August 2020:
Okay. Hi. I should really be sleeping right now, but nah. So I came back home today a few hours ago. I would write abou all the stuff I didn’t write about while I was in Germany, but I’m tired so I’ll summarize it.
Actually the only really remarkable thing is that I went to Gorlitz and Poland on the same day.
Gorlitz is a town close to Poland and basically Gorlitz is in both Germany and Poland. It doesn’t have a borderline anymore. It’s a mix of Germany and Poland.
So we went there got on a bus tour and heard about the history of Gorlitz, obviously my parents idea, but it was fun nonetheless. We got a ice cream and then walked around. We also walked over to Poland, even though the town doesn’t have a border there is still a border of course.
When we were done walking we went to a Poland’s restaurant where we had a reservation and ate. There was some “fancy” food, but I went with the good old fries/chips. I got bullied for picking them though. Either way, they were good! Like dang they were good!
We had a few rest days and went to a outdoor pool. The pool was really cold, but it was fun.
Oh yeah on one of the first few days we also went to a pool. It was indoors though.
I don’t think there’s anything else I could say about Germany. It was fun, but exhausting.
Also to the fanfic readers, I won’t be doing a double update as I didn’t have any time to write my fanfic. I’m sorry about that! But here’s nothing I can do abou it. I’ll try to write as much as possible in the next few days to hopefully get an update at the end of this week. Again no promises though.
That’s all for today. Boy I’m tired. I’m going to go sleep. It’s 1:06am. Dang that’s late. Goodnight and sleep well to anyone who’s also going to sleep.
Till next time!

26, 27 and 28th of August 2020:
Hello people. So I was at the zoo today and would love to talk about that, but I am pissed. I got pissed off a few hours ago, recovered by watching Unus Annus and talking to a friend, but now I’m pissed again.
I recently hit 50,000 characters and by celebrating I will be talking about LGTBQ+.
So first of, where do I stand in the LGTBQ+ community? Well, at the moment I’ll (not) label myself as these things
My sexuality… I don’t fucking know anymore.
I’m so confused so I guess I’m questioning?
I might be heteroflexible, but heteroflexible is almost the same as bisexual and I don’t know any more. Like I’d date a non-binary, genderfluid, demi, trans man, agender person etc. my preference for such a person would be that they have a male body, but I honestly couldn’t care, because they aren’t male (except for the trans man. They are a man I’d even date them if they didn’t have bottom surgery). They don’t identify as male. So am I bisexual? Am I something else? Does it matter?
I guess I won’t label my sexuality for now. I might find something that describes me and I might not. All I know is I’d date anyone who isn’t a cis women. Is that mean? No. I just don’t like cis girls.
One thing I want to make clear, don’t label me yourself. Don’t be like “you’re straight” or “you’re bisexual”. Don’t label me. You can say your opinion or be like “it kinds sounds like this”, but don’t force a label on me. Don’t force a label on anyone.
Okay so I’m writing this on 27 August and I don’t even know if I’m attracted to anyone anymore. Like when I look at someone I’m like “Oh their pretty good-looking… good for them!” Like I can see when someone is good-looking, but I don’t feel attracted to them… oh my god. I’m done. This is it. I’m pomosexual. Pomosexual, for me, means I’m going to deny all labels for sexuality. Simply because I’m done. This is the label I’m going to use. This part was a bit messy sorry about that. Hope it was still readable.
I’m writing this on the 28th of August and was thinking again. In my band there were the drummer and guitarist I said I find them good-looking, but when I first met them I didn’t find them attractive in any way… only after I saw who they were as people did I start to find them attractive… welp I’m sticking with pomosexual, because I really don’t know anymore.
Now my gender, I’m unsure. I guess I’m genderfluid. It’s just since yesterday I’ve been feeling agender (agender means you don’t have a gender or that gender isn’t a relevant construct to you. For me it’s the first one. Update I’m writing this on the 28th of August for me it’s now the second one. I’ve been questioning my gender so much that I’m also done with that). I wouldn’t mind being agender, because having one gender, for me, just feels better. I’d like to settle down on one gender it’d make me feel comfortable in a strange way.
Writing on the 28th of August yeah no I’m done with gender as well. I don’t care what you use as my pronounce. I’m done. I’m going to call myself agender from now on, because I’m done trying to figure out my gender.
So yeah this is me I guess? I don’t even know what I am anymore, but that’s okay. Nobody said you need a sexuality or gender. I guess it’s best not to think about this all to much.
Now why am I pissed? Someone said that being pansexual doesn’t exist. This made me extra pissed, because I’ve heard of this before. Bisexual people saying that pansexual doesn’t exist or that it’s the same as bisexual. Now I understand that they look alike, but they are different and both valid.
Now first of all let me explain what being bisexual and pansexual means.
Bisexual means that you can be attracted to two or more genders. This can mean that you can be attracted to male, female, non-binary, agender, but not trans people. Bisexual means that you can exclude genders and/or sexes you don’t feel attracted to.
Pansexual means that you are attracted to all people no matter their genders and/or sex.
You see the difference?
Bisexual means that you can exclude genders you aren’t attracted to.
Pansexual means you are attracted to all genders, so no exceptions.
Now my friend had the argument.
There are multiple genders only two sexes. You are attracted to someone’s sex (I don’t know if this is exactly what they said, but it went something along the lines of this) they also said something along the lines of gender doesn’t play a role in sexuality.
Which first of all, is biologically wrong. There are intersex people. I’m not the best at explaining so please do your own research on intersex people.
Now second of all, you are not attracted to someone’s sex, you are attracted to someone’s appearance.
Let’s give a little example.
We have a transgender women (trans women means she went from boy to girl) she looks like a women, she dresses like a women, she sounds like a women, but she didn’t have bottom surgery (meaning she still has a penis). Now let’s say a straight male would become attracted to her without knowing her biological sex is still male. If this were to happen it would mean people aren’t attracted to sex, but appearance.
It’s the way this women presented herself that made this man find her attractive.
So no you aren’t attracted to sex, but the way a person looks or presents themselves.
Now saying that gender doesn’t play a role in sexuality can be right sometimes, but there are people who want to present themselves as agender, genderfluid, non-binary etc. for me an example would be chest binders. If I were to wear chest binders I would feel more agender.
Another thing I would want is gender neutral clothes. Now gender neutral clothes are difficult, because what is gender neutral? Why do clothes have genders in the first place? I have an answer to the first question, but it’s more my own opinion. To me gender neutral is a pair of pants that doesn’t stick to my skin, a t-shirt that doesn’t stick to my skin it can be plain, with text or a cool design, maybe I’d wear a red flannel with it and chest binders of course. That’s gender neutral to me. Gender neutral can be very different to you and that’s okay, but this is gender neutral to me.
Okay I got a bit off topic, my bad.
Let me just redo this part.
Gender does play a role in attraction, because a non-binary person with a guys body may present themselves different than from a cis guy who wears “men” clothes (I myself don’t think clothes have a gender, but this is the best way to explain).
A straight girl may be more attracted to the cis guy who wears “men” clothes than the non-binary person, she may not be attracted to the non-binary person at all. Simply because they present themselves differently. The non-binary person could be wearing make-up with “men’s” clothes and have long hair or they could wear a dress/skirt and have a beard. A straight female might not be attracted to this.
I don’t know if I explained this part well enough, but this is the best I can do.
These are my arguments.
So I want to talk about one more thing being, trans isn’t a choice. Trans people their brain and body don’t match, like their brain works differently (not in a bad way!). That’s also why saying “gender is in the brain and sex is in the pants” is wrong. Some of these trans people don’t want or can’t afford bottom surgery, but that doesn’t make them any less trans.
I’ve been working on this since the day before yesterday and I’m done. I’m happy with the research I did. I know more about stuff now and I’ve accepted a thing or two myself. So this was the 50,000 characters special! This one part has about 5,000 characters which isn’t a whole lot, but it’s more than most parts, so I’m content with this!
Till next time!
(after rereading this part, I do see I could’ve said some stuff better, but it’s not all bad. So basically I’m sorry about writing this while I was so angry, but I think and hope most of the stuff is correct and well explained. (if you see anything that’s wrong, please, please email me at isabelthepikachu@gmail.com or message me on Instagram: iseycupcake/Akaashi. I will change anything that is wrong/incorrect)).

5 September 2020:
Hello! It’s been a while. Well it hasn’t been that long, but almost more than a week.
So school started and I hate it already. It’s okay though, I’ll try and get through the year.
So this year I can finally drop subjects for next year and I’m excited, but also scared I mean the subjects I do choose will be harder than this or last year.
The thing is I want to be a doctor. I know being or becoming a doctor isn’t easy, it’s hard. You need drive and the brains. My reasoning is also pretty corrupt. I want to be a doctor for two reasons.
Money and the feeling of being smart.
Money is pretty self-explanatory I don’t plan on using the money only on myself. I want to grow up and live a comfortable life as a doctor and donate to charity, make the world a better place, y’know? I think I owe it to the world.
Now the second one is a little bit different. Honestly, I feel stupid. I’m so scared I’m going to fail this year or that I’m simply not smart enough to be a doctor. I know people in my class are smarter than me, I know there are people smarter than me and I feel stupid. As a doctor you know what your talking about. Your smarter than some people. I want to feel like I’m smart.
It’s so dumb. I wish I was naturally smart, I wish I had talent, I wish life wouldn’t be this hard. I just hope I’ll make it as a doctor.
Sorry that took a sad turn.
What’s that feeling called when your sad and angry? Oh! Smad. I’m smad right now. Like I just did my biology homework and I couldn’t check some of my answers, I was like “Well that’s annoyig, but it’s okay. I’ll just keep going”. I tried to continue, got an answer wrong and then I got smad. It’s so incredibly dumb, if I just read the text right I wouldn’t have gotten it wrong, but no. I just couldn’t do that.
Also the fricking last question made so angry. Like I had the exact same answers in a different order and it was wrong. Yes I understand sometimes order does matter, but at this question it really shouldn’t have.
It makes me so angry. I also can’t change my answers. Like Jesus Christ.
I’m so done with school and it hasn’t even really begun yet. I just hope to dear god my biology teacher doesn’t think I suck at biology, because I don’t. I’m average. Just give me a week man.
Anyway, I also did my math homework in the morning, well I still needed to finish two problems that was fun. I did my history homework as well, less fun. Played some animal crossing, did my biology homework and plan on studying tonight.
Oh my god. My sister just asked “You got lessons?” Like ma’am it’s Saturday.
So yeah studying tonight and doing my physics homework and more studying tomorrow.
Till next time!

20 September 2020:
What’s up people? It has been a good while. I’m sorry about not posting, school has really got me busy. It has gotten me so busy I don’t know what to talk about.
So today I woke up at 5am which was very strange as I went to bed a 12am, but I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I did what any fourteen year old would do and started scrolling through Instagram. I did that until it was like 7am, well I stopped sooner basically I got out of bed at about 6:30am got dressed and stuff and went downstairs.
Then I started doing my economy homework, I did a few assignments and then ate breakfast. My mom was nice enough to make me breakfast. I finished my economy homework and did my physics homework, after that I did geography. I finished my geography homework at 12pm and started doing my English homework. For my English homework I had to write an informal letter to Charlie who is the main character of this book called “The Perks of being a Wallflower”. That was pretty fun actually, writing the letter I mean.
When I was finally done with all my homework I could rest and finish reading The Perks of being a Wallflower.
We literally had two English lessons and I finished the book.
It’s a really good book though! I could talk about that book for pages, but I don’t want to give spoilers, so go read it yourself.
So anyway I finished my book and now I got forced, by my friend, to write my LTE.
Nothing much really happened in the last few days. I had school and homework.
Let’s talk about the subjects I got or something.
So I got French, which I suck at I don’t like French and I’m going to drop it.
I have Dutch, which I suck at, but it’s obligatory, so I have to do it.
I have German, which isn’t bad, I am half German after all, so it’s not that hard.
I have English, which is pretty good until now. I liked the book I had to read for it and it’s not that hard.
I have history, which I hate. I don’t like history and I’m probably going to drop it as well.
I have biology, which I love. I really like biology it’s interesting.
I have geography, which is alright. I don’t like or hate it. I think it’s interesting, but I don’t love it, y’know?
I have math, which isn’t bad. I like math. If you understand it it’s easy and if you try hard enough you can understand anything. So I go no problems with it, until now (watch me fail the first test-).
I have chemistry, which I really like. It’s interesting and it seems fun.
I have physics, which think is very useful and interesting, but I suck at physics, well lately I’ve been doing okay? I dos still want to try and understand it better.
I got economy, which I don’t really like, but it’s okay, I guess?
I have arts, which I’m not good at, but it’s okay.
I have PE, which I like. I used to be pretty athletic, because I did gymnastics for almost four years, but because of school I had to quit. Now my stamina has dropped significantly and I’m less athletic.
These are all the subject I have at the moment, but Dutch school is a bit different.
So basically each semester we have a test week at the end and after the test week we also get a few new subjects. Like arts could be replaced with music and then we have music for a semester.
The subjects I don’t have right now, but I’m still going to get are philosophy and music.
Also! I am now in my third year of high school and again Dutch schools are different. I have to go to high school for six years. I’m almost half way.
Anyway, what makes the third year so special is that I get to finally drop and choose subjects.
So our school has three packs you can choose of.
Everyone has to do:
Civics (I don’t know if that’s the right name)
Culture about arts (basically history about art)
Then you can choose either German or French (I’m taking German).
Then you have the four packs
1. Culture and society
In this pack you have to do history and either math A or C. Math C is juts more difficult math, people who love math do this.
You have to either choose geography or economy.
And then you have to choose one of the following:
Art and music
Art and drama
Art and visual? (maybe sculptures or something?)
2. Economy and society
In this pack you have to do History, economy and choose between math A or B. B is more difficult math.
Then you can choose out of:
Business economics
3. Nature and health
In this one you have to do chemistry, biology and math A or B.
You can choose out of:
Physics (if you were to choose physics it’s better to also pick math B)
4. Nature and technology
Here you have to do chemistry, physics and math B
You can choose out of:
Math D (basically a whole lot of math)
So after you choose a language (German or French), choose a pack and the things in the pack, you think you’re done? Hell nah.
Every pack has a free part. This doesn’t mean you can whatever you want. Every pack has a small list of what you can pick. I’m only gonna name new subjects, so these are the ones you can pick that I haven’t names yet:
Exercise, sport and society
I would write more, but I’m tired and I want to watch Unus Annus, so I’m going to go.
I hope I’ll have time to write in my LTE again, but who knows.
Till next time!

17 October 2020:
Hello guys. It almost been a month since the last time I updated. I’m sorry about that. Also I feel like my last update was a bit confusing, so I’m sorry if it was.
I’ve got a few things to talk about, so like I’ll write them down so I won’t forget.
Math test
School and vacation
Good Omens
AFK Arena
So I had my first math test and got an 8,5, which is an A I think? Anyway it made me very happy.
Now school has been a lot, I’ve been really busy and it hasn’t been the best, but I’m surviving. I actually have vacation right now! I’m planning on studying as I have a test week the 2 weeks after vacation (so like after vacation I have one week of lessons to ask questions and stuff, after that week I have a the test week.), but I’m also planning on writing and watching anime and Unus Annus. I hope I’ll be able to destress. I also made some friends! Like there’s a girl I so next t in class and we’re friends and she has a whole friend group and like I got accepted into that, kind off. I talk to people in the group and they’re cool. There’s not more to say than that I guess?
Now Good Omens is an amazing book/series (I watched the series. I’m planning on reading it eventually, but I got my hands full right now ;-;). I finished watching it this afternoon and I was good. Like I highly recommend it, but I don’t know or think it’s on Netflix, so get a DVD from the library or something or get the book. Let me actually tell you what it’s about. It’s abou the antichrist being born and having to destroy the world when they’re 11, but this demon and angel like the world, so they want to prevent the antichrist from destroying the world. They want to do this by both of them raising the child to neither be good or bad (they don’t literally raise it. Like the baby is supposed to be the child of this politician (they switch the real baby of the politician with the antichrist)) and lives in the house of hat politician, but the demon and angle kind of work there to have some kind of influence on the child and make it neither good or bad. So it’s the 11th birthday of the antichrist and it turns out the baby’s were switched. They have the wrong baby! Now they want to try and stop the world from ending anyway and that’s what it’s about. It’s funny and wholesome in some way. I really liked it and highly recommend it.
So AFK Arena is a game and I’m here to promote it and my guild. So like go download it and join the Kalinski guild. Please we need more members. Markiplier made an add for it, so like watch it if you want (it’s funny believe me). I mean it is a really fun game, so like try it out!
I don’t have anything else to talk about, so yeah.
Till next time!

18 October 2020:
Hey guys! I want to move my LTE. I’m currently writing this one Wattpad (a quality website I know), but I’m moving it to Neocities. It’s a pretty cool site where you can make website’s! This will also be updated on my LTE there, so for the people reading on Neocities, don’t mind this update. Anyway for the people on Wattpad just type in “Iseycupcake Neocities” and you’ll find me.
Now I promised my friend I’ll write in my LTE today, but I just spend almost an hour moving all my updates to Neocities, so I’m going to take a break for now. I will come back later today so yeah.
Till next time!
Also for the people on Neocities I might change the text color in like different colors, so be prepared for that and if you have a color you want me to use just shoot me a message or something. (My Instagram account is Iseycupcake with a drawing that says “spear queer” as profile picture)

20 October 2020:
Hello again. I almost wanted to write a title, because I was so used to it, but I don’t have to think of titles anymore.
I’m actually studying right now and don’t worry I’ll continue in a bit, but anyway. I just had a small mental breakdown, because I didn’t know how to solve a problem in economics, but I revived myself! I just looked at my notes and saw a formula I forgot and that was the answer, so I’m good again. I still think I’m going to fail economics and not because I’m bad at it, well I am sometimes, but my teacher is just so boring. Like I’m sorry, but I almost fell asleep one time and he doesn’t even teach. He just let’s us sit there and makes us do the assignments and if we have questions we can ask him. When a question gets asked a lot he does give an explanation, but his voice just so slow and monotone. If I pick economics I better have a different teacher next year.
Oh yeah you also might be wondering why I think I’m going to fail economics, because of him. Well, my motivation to study economics is low. Like that’s why I’m here. I do have to study, so I’m going to go.
Till next time!
Well, I thought it’d be fun to write some more. I mean I finished my summary for economics now I only got to memorize it.
Y’know sometimes I don’t know how to say something or I forgot a word and it just brings me out of my flow. In writing I mean.
Oh dang I should write my fanfic.
Also when I forgot a word I have to think so hard about the word I mean that I sometimes forgot the word altogether. Is that confusing? Well maybe some of you can figure I out.
I’ve thought about restarting my LTE, because I think it’s too sad and just me ranting or being angry, but it’s too much effort to do restart, so I’ll just keep it like this.
I often wonder if my LTE is any fun, I mean if you’ve come to this part then you’ve read a lot, so maybe? I hope it is, because I don’t know how to do it any differently. I also feel like my LTE is too formal, because of the way I write as opposed from other LTEs I’ve read.
Is that correct English? The “as opposed” part. I’m unsure, but don’t know how else to say it, so I’ll keep it like that.
Have I talked about my fanfic before? I probably have.
Am I being random right now? I think I am. My mind is juts so full right now. I’m not sure if it’s good or bad. It feels neutral.
I played Among Us yesterday. It was fun, like a lot of fun. Did you know there’s a plot to Among Us? It was base of off “The Thing” that’s a horror movie. I’m going to watch the movie with the same people I played Among Us with. Over Discord though. We can’t really meet up, because of COVID-19 and all. I think it’ll be fun. I don’t mind horror movies, after all.
Am I using my punctuation correctly? I hope I’m not making too many mistakes otherwise I’ll never learn to write correctly.
I like the way I’m writing right now. It gives me an easy flow and that way I can write a lot and that means more words and that means a longer LTE. I’m probably making some mistakes, because of the way I’m writing though.
This way of writing also let’s me be empty and not in a bad way. Let me try and explain, right now I’m writing down almost all of my thoughts and it’s clearing my head, so I think after I’m done, I’ll be able to study better.
I have to watch Unus Annus. It’ll be gone in about 3 weeks after all. If you don’t know what Unus Annus is that’s okay. I don’t know if I’ve written about it before… I think I have. If I haven’t I’ll explain it again someday just not right now.
Y’know on Netflix there’s this series called Voltron and the first few seasons are pretty good, but man did I hate the ending. I do recommend watching, it’s a fun little show after all and the fandom isn’t all to bad, but be prepared for the ending and also there will most likely be ships you don’t like or don’t ship, so yeah. I mean the ships part happens with almost every fandom. Y’know I actually take that back. Even if there are ships you don’t like that still shouldn’t ruin the series!
This is actually why the anime My Hero Academia has such a trash fandom. Everyone fights about their ship, saying “no my ship is gonna be canon!” Like that’s not how it works. You can say why you love a certain ship and why it’s so good and why you think it should be canon, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be canon.
Well that took a sudden turn. I think I’m done for now. So I’m going to study now.
Till next time!

21 Ocotber 2020
Hi Y’all! Before I go and study geography I thought it be a good thing to clear my mind. So that’s why I’m here right now.
I don’t know what to write about though. I really don’t want to study. It’s just giving me so much stress and bad vines right now, but have to study otherwise it’ll be way too much to memorize before the tests. God I thought I was supposed to have vacation. This is so annoying. I hate school.
On another note I have karate today, so that’ll be fun.
When corona started and there was a lockdown kind of, I learned to juggle. I can still juggle it’s just less good. I juggle everyday for about 30 minutes. Maybe I should do that again… oh actually! I wanted to start stretching and be agile again.
I think I’m ready to study now.
Till next time!

25 October 2020
Hello guys!
It’s the last day of vacation. I hated this vacation, it was awful, but that’s okay. Well, I mean I might as well say why I hated this vacation. I didn’t do anything, but study. Now yes you can say that that’s my own decision, but why in world does school do the test week a week after vacation, like, c’mon. Also about 3 subject gave extra assignments to do in vacation. Like Jesus you want me to spend all my time on school? I really feel like I didn’t even have vacation.
I still have some stuff to do, so this part is really short. I’m sorry about that.
Till next time!

28 December 2020
It’s been about 2 months since I last wrote on here. Hi. I’m sorry for disappearing. Stuff happened. I do have some stuff to talk about now though.
My grandma passed away about a month ago and I had to go to Germany for her send off. I never really knew my grandma that’s because when I was finally old enough to know people, to know what’s going on around me, my grandma couldn’t really speak anymore, she had trouble articulating words and it was hard to have a conversation with her.
I also hated traveling, so I barely went to Germany which I regret now. I wish I knew my grandma better. She seemed like such a kind women. I don’t mean that in a sad way, but in a bittersweet way. Y’know what I mean?
The Netherlands went into lockdown. I don’t really mind as I can concentrate on my work either way, but its not been the best.
I do hope the lockdown reduces the COVID-19 cases and makes medical workers have less stress. It has been Christmas though and I don’t know or think everyone followed the rules of not inviting family etc. I mean I’m no better I did go to see one of my friends, but we weren’t violating any rules! I just wasn’t doing really good and really needed a friend at the time (still not an excuse! I know, but sometimes It’s too much).
I’d talk about Christmas, but nothing really happened. With COVID-19 we couldn’t invite any family, but we never do anyways, because all of my family lives in Germany. So me, my two sisters and parents ate some good food while Christmas was happening and I got some games! I got a Overcooked DLC (super fun game with friends! (max 4 players) be prepared to scream at your friends though… it’s like Mario kart or Mario party, but you have to work together), Kingdom crowns (also a fun (at least looks like a fun game) game to play with one other friend or alone! Haven’t played I yet, but am planning to with my sister. Just got to find the time…(I think the game is fun, because I saw the trailer and it looks really cool and enjoyable!)) and last but not least Moonlighter! (I already finished this game (I do still have to finish he DLC), but it’s really good believe me! From the art, to plot, to gameplay it’s amazing.
Now if you have no taste and won’t put any effort into playing it like one of my friends you’ll probably not like it, but chances are that you’re also trash at Overwatch and Hollow Knight, so your opinion doesn’t really count (only attacking my friend. Anyone else reading this: you’re really cool and amazing, keep being awesome)). So definitely go check out Moonlighter! It’s fun! And not impossible! (My friend said the game is impossible, but they’re either super bad at gaming (does explain why they’re so bad at Overwatch and Hollow Knight) or just… special… like it’s not a hard game dude, maybe try it before judging it, because it’s fun).
I’m also planning on starting a DnD campaign! (my sister will be the dungeon master). I only need one or two more people to start :3 and I already made a character, well his personality at least, but I’ll talk about him another time.
I have vacation at the moment and it’s been a lot better than the last one. I did all my homework last week and I get to game and relax right now! I do still have to finish a book for Dutch, but I like the book, so it’s all cool!
Even though it’s all great right now, I can’t help but feel a little hopeless, like nothing is in my control. It really sucks. I just feel like my life is slipping out of my hands and my time is falling away like sand grains, it’s just all falling out of my hands and I don’t know how to control it. I haven’t been coping in the best way and it sucks and hurts and I don’t know what to do. I know things will get better eventually and I’ll be okay, but why can’t that be now? I hate feeling this way, it’s getting worse each time I feel this way and the only thing I can do is distract myself. I’m trying guys, I really am.
I hope you’re doing okay though!
Something that helped a lot was watching How to Train Your Dragon. It might sound a little stupid or childish or both, but it’s a great movie and it holds a special place in my heart and it makes me feel better, it makes me feel happy, I makes me smile! I hope you have something or someone that makes you feel the same way. If you don’ have that yet, one day you will! So just wait out okay? It’s going to be okay.
It’s almost eleven and I promised my self to sleep early today, so I’m going to sleep. Have a good day/night/life!
Till next time!